I have really been needing Michael, but he isnt noticing. Its like this: I work 5 days a week from 7-4. Most days, Trent is dropped off by his mom and picked up between 3 and 4. No prob there. Michael will have say a Wednesday off work. Trent will stay overnight on Tuesday night and get the entire day with his dad. I come home on Wednesday thinking that I will have an evening with Michael but nope, Trent stays that night too and my evening is spent online or entertaining myself somehow because Michael is usally watching a movie with Trent or playing a video game with him. Out of those 5 weekdays, at least 3 of them Trent stays the night. Friday nights are always with us and he stays the entire weekend. So if Michael has a weekday off, Trent is here and if Michael has a weekend day, usually Sunday, off, Trent is here anyway so Michaels time is devoted to Trent.
A week ago, I spent my evening doing baby laundry and I had it all hung up on hangers. My back had started to have sharp pains and I was limping. I think I may have slept wrong or something. Well I asked Michael if he could take the basket downstairs for me. He said sure and he picked up the basket and put it on the chair. I waited. And waited. And waited. Yesterday I took the basket downstairs myself.
Last weekend, Michael told his ex that her daughter could stay the night with us because she wanted to go to a party. This weekend he said she could stay with us the whole weekend because her mom was going to Lake Powell with her boyfriend. Of course, this week was Country Jam so we are watching our neice and nephew for the weekend but we usually do since we dont go to Country Jam. Yesterday Michael worked from 4pm-2 am. Before he left for work, he spent time with the kids in the pool, taking them to the skate park and all that. Today he works from 3 pm-1 am. He took the kids to the skate park and chuck e cheese's.Tomorrow he works from 8am-6pm. I havent been feeling well all week. I feel big and uncomfortable. But I have to watch the kids which under normal circumstances wouldnt have bothered me at all. But I really need Michael right now and he doesnt seem to notice that I really need some quality time with him. Here we are expecting our first baby together and I cant even get him to practice the Bradley relaxation techniques with me because God forbid he lose that time with Trent.
I remember several OB appointments ago, Michael had the day off and I had told him several times what time our appointment was and he said he would be there. I had to go straight to the appointment from class. When I got there, he wasnt there. I called him but there was no answer. I finally got a call back when I was in the exam room and Michael told me that he had called his ex to see if Trent could stay the night and she said yes but he had to go and get him. Michael blew off our OB appointment to go get Trent. I was in tears quite awhile that evening.
Michael cant find the time to take me to a movie, but he takes Trent when I am at work.
I have been so frustrated about this and stuff that I posted a post on a forum website where I am a member.
I never expected to get a butt chewing on there. I simply posted how I felt hoping I would get support from other moms or moms to be but one of the reply-ers chewed me out saying "pregnant or not it wasnt all about me" Since when was it a crime to want some time with my husband? I shouldnt have to ask for quality time with him. For the past 6 months, I have had to ask him for quality time. And I can count on 1 hand how much time I have gotten. It would take more than hands and feet of several people to count the time he has spent with Trent.
I know I am horrible for this, but I am finding myself not wanting Trent to see me at the hospital just so I can have those few precious "new parent" moments with just me and Michael. He already takes the quality time so why cant I have this time with my new baby and my husband?? Why me??
1 comment:
Wow, this is tough!!!!! I have been right where you are with my husband being more concerned with everything else except meeting the needs of his wife. I do not wish to scare you, but this is a big warning sign. There is something not quite right with your husband! For what ever the reason, he is not being the husband God would have him to be.
That said, what to do about it? I was told a long time ago by my pastor's wife that the way to move your husband is through prayer. Our natural tendency is to nag. Try asking him to sit down and talk to him. Try to find out why he is spending so much time with his son over you. He may be worried that his son will feel left out with the new baby or he may not be very comfortable with newborns. Pregnancy stuff can make men very uncomfortable, but he does need to realize that this is a tough time for you. If he really wants to have a good solid marriage, he will talk to you about these things. Suggest he talk to your pastor.
With the baby coming very soon, you will need his support. He sounds like he can be a great dad!
Is you mom or sister close to you? Will they be around at all for the birth? If you do not really get the support of your husband, take comfort in friends from church or your family. Let people uplift you, please don't try to do it all on your own.
I am speaking from hard-core personal experience. Let the housework go. The frozen meal in a bags work great. You are not a bad mom if you use paper plates and silverware. When you are doing things without much help, it gets very overwhelming. I wrote a blog about how I stood in the grocery store bawling my eyes out because I was buying Judson baby food instead of hand making it like I did with the other kids. But he is now a perfectly healthy two year old, and there is no "damage" to him!!
Hang in there! Enjoy your time with your soon to come baby-- and don't let a half hearted husband steal your joy! You will be in my prayers!
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