I recently found out that my extended family thinks that I hate them which isn't true. Let me give you a bit of background info. Growing up I was very often picked on. I learned to keep myself from being picked on by not letting myself go into a situation which would leave the door wide open for it. I remember in high school I was getting picked on by a kid in my grade. He would often jokingly ask me out and stuff like that. I was very embarrassed being near him because of the things he would say. I got to where I would notice where he was in the halls and go a different way so that people wouldn't laugh at me when he would make his comments. Now tell me. How is that wrong? At home, I would go to my room because it seemed to be the safest place. There was no one there to make fun of me or tell me I wasn't good enough or tell me that I was doing this wrong or that wrong.
I guess its the same way now. I "avoid" the family. Not because I don't like them or don't want to be around them. Its because I don't want to be hurt and if being around them carries a higher risk of being hurt, then home is the safest place for me. Not only that, but I don't like to offend people. I seem to offend the family no matter what I do. If I have a childrearing opinion they don't like, I offend them. If I say I don't like a particular song on the radio that they love, I offend them. I try to take a stand on something the Bible teaches, I offend them. So if I don't want to offend them, then the best place for me is home. Now tell me, how is that wrong?
Remember the old saying "if you cant say something nice then don't say anything at all?" Well I think that goes both ways. I stay away from the family because I don't want to risk getting hurt but say I do go to a get together and something is said/done that hurts or offends me? Why is it that if I say/do something that offends then I hear about it very quickly but if something is said/done that offends me, I have to live with it? If I try to defend myself, I am quickly "put in my place" so to speak. And if I dare defend myself, I have to apologize. Why wont anyone apologize to me? I have been wronged many times and so far no one cares.
This goes for anyone, not just family. My own family included. I even had to put a privacy setting on my Facebook so no one except myself can post on my wall. I didn't do it to pick on anyone. I did it because I was sick and tired of people, friend AND family both, putting comments on my wall that would slam me or make fun of me. It was to the point I couldn't put anything on my wall without someone making a smart alecky comment. So now no one can post on my wall.
For once I wish that people would like me and accept me for me. Many may think my mom didn't raise me right but I think she did a pretty darn good job. She taught me to be respectful of others feelings. Why do you think I try so hard not to offend people. People think I am weak because I "don't stick up for myself" well I guess this is my way of sticking up for myself only its also a way in which others will be less hurt too. So be grateful.
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